Traditionally, parents think about potty training as something that is done with a toddler, often between 2 and 3 years of age. However, toilet learning is a process that really does begin at a child’s birth.

Yes, you read that correctly. Toilet learning begins at a child’s birth.

Most babies wear diapers, which are designed to absorb the child’s urine. Most people today use disposable diapers, which are filled with highly absorbent chemicals designed to soak up the urine and keep the child dry. Advertisements for these diapers focus on how dry the child will feel in their diapers.

A child, then, spends the first 2 years of his or her life never feeling what it is to be wet. They don’t have the sensory experience of feeling wetness in the diaper area. Since they never felt wet, they never made the cognitive connection between urinating and feeling wet. In fact, the disposable diapers of today are so absorbent that the child can urinate and never even know it.

Now, all of the sudden, we expect them to know when they need to use the toilet. So, then, what do you do?

In our case, we started with cloth diapers. From a young age, our son knew what it was to feel wet, and understood the connection between urinating and feeling wet. In essence, this took away the difficult part of toilet learning. If you are considering cloth diapers for your little one, this is a huge advantage.

Not every parent, however, is able to make the cloth diaper commitment. If you are set on disposables, not all hope is lost!

The most difficult part of toilet learning, I think, is lowering your expectations. It is not reasonable for most children to learn to use the toilet without some difficulty. Realize that you have to help a child overcome the idea that what they have done for their entire life is now considered unacceptable, and they need to change it. I believe that the hardest part of toilet learning is not for the child, but for the parent.

It is the parent who wants the child to use the toilet, generally, not the child. If you can expose your child to the toilet from an early age, let him or her see you use it, let them sit on it if they ask, have them help you flush, then you can help him (or her) get used to it. You want the child to see the toilet as something normal, not something scary, so you need to go about normalizing it. This is not a time to be shy!

Talking about using the toilet helps. Tell your child when you are going, encourage them to tell you if they have gone in their diaper. Awareness is the first step! Going naked is very helpful for the child’s awareness, too. Try to have some naked time every day. And watch your child for signs. If he crosses his legs, or holds himself before he urinates, watch for those signs, and take him to the toilet. Offer him the toilet at regular intervals, but do not force it. You don’t want it to become a power struggle.

Ultimately, what works best is different for every child. You need to be patient, more then anything. Remember, all children will eventually use the toilet, whether at 18 months, 2 and a half or 4 years old.

Good luck!